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blackster_5's Journal

Tuesday, February 22, 2005


that's it. I'm convinced that I have to kill every one!

Current mood: cynical

(1 stabed | stab me!)

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

11:01PM - gr?

I ahve been so good. But the fuck up gene comes in like clock work. Shit! I didn't mean to! I know anyone who's keep up w/ my realtionship knows that I say that almost automaticly. But I mean it. I'm soo sorry. I am. I got so mad after that, hannah, that I just about grinded my teeth to bleeding or throw up I was so upset. I realyy just wanted to not have shit like that happen. You fair warned me. I know. I don't mean to make you upset by reading this. But I am a fool! Yeah, that's right. I'm a fool. I stilll can't control my emotions. You "want me out of your life"? I didn't hit anything. ya, go me for not doing something that I'm not supose to be doing in the first place. I want to be good. I do! (beging to crack and cry) you have no idea. I want to be the person that you need! but I'm not. You can't stand me! and I don't blame you. I wanted to be your Quela. I did, or do, or... I don't know! talk to me, even if it's to tell me that I should die alone. c/z I know I should. Please talk to me!

(stab me!)

Thursday, February 3, 2005

9:28PM - oooohhhhh!!!!!

is it bad when your head will not stop hurting for days? I take meds for migranes, but I can still see straight. Oh, this nausea is going to be the death of me! My ears have a sharp pain. my forehead. all the time my head hurts. sometimes I hope I'll just pass out from the pain for some rest. i can;t sleep, god this is tiring. am I the only person with this kind of pain?

(stab me!)

Friday, January 21, 2005


i'm starving!!

(stab me!)

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

9:48AM - ich glaube nie!

Ich bin sehr traurig.

(1 stabed | stab me!)

Saturday, January 8, 2005

11:36PM - Um

So yeah! I've had a pretty good day. I saw one of my good freinds today, hungout with a special one today. Life is not to shaby!!

When you ask some one if they'd want to kiss you again, and they resond with "I've been thinking about that alot" that's good. Or at least I think. Than they have somthing on their mind and won't tell you, so you bug 'em 'bout it. They tell you they don't know how to start sayin' whatever it is on their minds. Finally they spit out " Remember when I asked you to teach me to dance? That's when I began being attracted to you." We walk up the stairs and they still haven't told you anything, then you steal their purse amd begin down the stairs but they grab you and kiss you! Then say " Does that explain it!" WHAT IS THAT SUPOSSE TO MEAN?????? Do I have a chance? Will it only be a second kiss?

GOD! Women(eventhough I am one) can be so . . illuding? No . . confusing!

Tell me what does it mean, and is there a manual on these creatures. Maybe a book on this??!

Current mood: content

(stab me!)

Friday, October 29, 2004


SO I've gained back control over my emotions. I knew that Sue was a very long shot, so I've stop my self now. Or at least dampened it down. wwwooo. I had an intresting football game. We lost! But it was senior night. So we got to wear a cool hat and got recognized with our parents. fun.

(1 stabed | stab me!)

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

7:00PM - La!

M y head hurts. Sometimes life is just too much. We really shouldn't worry about what is going to happen tomorrow or what people think about you. I try not to dwell on things like that. If people are bitches, then let them be bitches by themselves. Life is suddenly too fast. Later!!

(1 stabed | stab me!)

Monday, October 18, 2004

12:33PM - I quit!

Ok so Sue is going to lunch with this guy named Curt. She kinda excited and all. How can you tell if someone likes you!?? god this is driving me mad. When she's around I'm happy, she's happy. ARRGGGG!!! Sometimes like after I'm done talking to her, all I can do is think about her. I'm not in-love with her but I'm definetly liking her. She's wearing a yellow sweater w/ this little white beater and some cute kakis. OOHH this is mind boggling. Her and I are both in long-term realtionships which are both a little shaky.

(1 stabed | stab me!)

Friday, October 15, 2004

11:36AM - Frus

All I can think about is Sue. This is frustrating, I am so confused. Not whether or not that I like but if she likes me back. Tonight she had a sucker and was licking it very provocatively. I don’t know if she just wanted to see my reaction or what. I just kinda laughed at it, but really I wanted to flirt. Damn Curtis was there. That’s probably why she was so flirty. God this is frustrating!
Got to go pick up Mom from work, be back soon.
Hey, back! I used to never understand why people wrote down what they were feeling thinking. It’s weird I understand but I can’t say it.

I wish I could just grow some balls and ask her what she’s thinking, and her be honest about it. This is kinda frustrating. She’s really pretty, cold blue eyes, but their so happy and warm. I can’t stop looking at her sometimes. I’m not like in love with her or anything, I just have a crush on her. Just a lil’ one. But I catch her looking at me too. Weird huh?! I talked to one of my best friends the other night and she said that maybe I’m making it up in my head. I don’t know I think about it but I just confused!!

(1 stabed | stab me!)

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

1:33PM - peom of sense

She doesn't know how much she pulls my heart around

I try not to allow myself to like her

but she makes me feel good

we laugh and we get along so well

what's wrong,

If we like each other

why should sex matter?

I'm just as strong as any man, if not stronger

my voice is just as deep, if not deeper

I'm more sensitive than a man, like you wanted

I'm just as much of a man, if not more

Do you have to be male to be a man?

If you like cuddling with me, than cuddle

If you like kissing me, than kiss me

Are my lips not the same as his?

What is it that makes it so different?

Why not try and see all sides of things?

- Shibby

Please tell me what you think.

Current mood: curious

(3 stabed s | stab me!)

Friday, October 8, 2004

3:44PM - wow!

This is kinda cool. So how bout them women I mean Yankees! Ha! I love typing wierd ssshhhhh..tuff. Don't mind me. I'm enjoying myself. At school I'm riding on a roller caoster of emotion. Finally I got sick and barfed on the kid in front of me. When I got off he and his big bro kicked my butt and hung me by my toes. Then they really got mad when I barfed on 'em again 'cause they hung me upside down. Wooo, what a day at jail. WHHOOOPPS!! I meant school. Actually all of that I just made up. Interesting, huh? I like . . . wait lost my train of thought. Ouch! it hurts. HEE!

Current mood: creative

(1 stabed | stab me!)